And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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