I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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