Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
