Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize