Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
