my phone needs a breathalizer
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
