This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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