Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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