Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
