Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
