if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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