i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
