i just made my gag reflex go away.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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