Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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