I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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