there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
