Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
