If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize