using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
