And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
