I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I would fuck him just for his dog
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
