My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
