Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
