guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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