puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
