my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
