I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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