Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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