I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The air was thick with penises
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Randomize
