I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
