She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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