All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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