okay pat passed out under dana's car
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
