You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
cat food counts as protein by the way
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In other news, I just burned my penis
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
