p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
