I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
