i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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