mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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