I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
