I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
