Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
