Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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