I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
