I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
