No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Church boner. Awkwardddd
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
