SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
