Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
