If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
