We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
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