I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
