The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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