Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
