Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
