I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize