So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
