There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
