what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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