R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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