i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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