Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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