My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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