If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
