Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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