Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
