I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
