So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize