That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize