I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
