so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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