when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
