the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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