totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize