my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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