My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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